My exhaustion has reached level 10. I believe there is a pronounced personality misalignment with the project team I am on but I am trying to tough it out. Also, LaGuardia is the airport where dreams are crushed, 6 flights in 6 weeks and only 1 has been on time. None of this frustration is helped by how NYC cold snaps can kick your butt.
Productivity high but it feels like I am running hard to stand still. I have never been on a project with so much noise. Even the one’s that were bigger in scope and cost were more efficiently run and I envision will look more successful in retrospect. The PM has us outputting so much content that is duplicitous in nature that I am wondering if he isn’t doing it just to hit billable quotas. 12 hour work days are becoming the norm and windows for reading or getting anything else done are slim or non-existent.
Of course my training is taking a huge hit. 1 hour a day if I am lucky and even if I get in that much time my exhaustion doesn’t allow for optimal performance. It’s really frustrating because athletics are supposed to be my outlet but scrambling for time to fit them in is making working out feel like a chore.
I am really glad I have developed my patience over the years. I normally would be so fed up by now but I am trying to stay focused on the big picture. What’s really frustrating is that the joking and positive I am is taking a back seat to just being on guard all the time. I just don’t trust the environment and team members enough so I can only work on the project. I’ve become an isolationist in order to avoid the politics.
I am grateful for an early spring day in Atlanta this past weekend, minus the pollen.